Tag Archives: los angeles

Man Builds A House For A Homeless Woman After He Sees Her Sleeping In The Street

One man is taking on homelessness by tapping into the tiny-house craze that’s sweeping the nation right now.

It all started after Los Angeles resident Elvis Summers noticed a 60-year-old woman in his neighborhood sleeping in the dirt a few doors down from where he lived. Feeling like it was his duty as a fellow human to try and do something to help the poor woman, he decided to build a tiny home for her out of recycled materials.

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It took Summers five days to build the home, which comes complete with a window and sturdy wheels to move it between different locations. These materials, including the wheels and two locks for the front door, cost him about $500.

His words say it all: “Nobody should be homeless, especially in one of the richest countries in the world.”

Feeling inspired by what he’d managed to do in such a short time, Summers founded My Tiny House Project LA. He’s already built over 30 tiny houses for homeless people across the city.

Two Inseparable Dogs Get Rescued From A Harsh Life On The Streets Of LA.

Annie Hart, founder of the Los Angeles-based animal organization Rescue from the Hart, learned of two cute dogs running around an East Los Angeles street earlier this month.

When she turned up to look for them, she found two of the most precious dogs ever. The dogs were clearly inseparable from each other, and in puppy love! The girl dog was hesitant to trust Annie, so she had to lure her into a trap cage to catch her. Once she did, the boy dog came running into her lover’s arms. The little guy didn’t want to fall behind.

(Source: Rescue From The Hart)

Annie decided to name the inseparable besties after one of television’s favorite couples, Chandler and Monica. Rescue from the Hart is still taking care of these sweet pooches, but hopefully they’ll find a loving owner soon!

Scared, Stranded Pit Bull Who Was Struggling To Survive Gets A Touching Rescue.

For Los Angeles-based animal rescue group Hope For Paws, a few soothing words and a hamburger is often more than enough to gain the trust of an abandoned dog (as seen here), but for Bunny the Pit Bull that wouldn’t be enough as she was too terrified of coming close to her rescuers.

It was no wonder why she was so scared though, she had been let down by humans before when she was left to die by her former owner in the remote and fenced off location that she was found living in. The Hope For Paws rescuers found a way to save her though by placing a trap cage with a tasty hamburger inside of it, then they watched from a distance and waited for Bunny to take the bait.

It didn’t take long for her to do so, and when she was out of the cage back at the rescue shelter, her lovable spirit really showed. It was very clear that all she wanted was to be loved.

(Source: Eldad Hagar)

Why someone would abandon this beautiful loving baby is beyond me. I’m really grateful for people like Eldad Hagar and organizations such as his, Hope For Paws.

The Chargers And Raiders Want To Share A Stadium In L.A.

Anyone who has a roommate will understand.

Late Thursday, the Raiders and Chargers released a joint statement saying they’ve proposed a shared stadium in Carson, California, just outside of Los Angeles.

Ezra Shaw / Getty Images

The reason is simple: Money.

We are pursuing this stadium option in Carson for one straightforward reason: If we cannot find a permanent solution in our home markets, we have no alternative but to preserve other options to guarantee the future economic viability of our franchises.

Via chargers.com

The Raiders have been famously searching to get out of O.co Coliseum in Oakland, which they share with the Oakland A’s. The Chargers have also been seeking a new stadium in San Diego without much luck.

Donald Miralle / Getty Images

The NFL has been looking to re-establish L.A. as a football town, and with this new proposal and the land purchased by the owner of the St. Louis Rams, the city could be flooded with teams in no time.

That is, if all of these deals go through. Teams have long used the prospect of a move to Los Angeles as leverage against their current host cities when seeking a new stadium.

Update: Late Thursday, San Diego Mayor Kevin Faulconer posted a series of tweets suggesting that if the Chargers were to move the team would be abandoning its fans.

It’s now abundantly clear that while we have been working here in San Diego to create a plan for a new stadium… (1/4)

— Kevin_Faulconer (@Kevin Faulconer)

…the Chargers have for some time been making their own plans for moving to Los Angeles. (2/4)

— Kevin_Faulconer (@Kevin Faulconer)

This would amount to abandoning generations of loyal Chargers fans. (3/4)

— Kevin_Faulconer (@Kevin Faulconer)

Despite this news, we are going to continue our efforts to develop a viable stadium solution. (4/4)

— Kevin_Faulconer (@Kevin Faulconer)

Here’s the full statement released by the Chargers and the Raiders:

We have both been working in our home markets to find a stadium solution for many years, so far unsuccessfully.

We remain committed to continuing to work in our home markets throughout 2015 to try to find publicly acceptable solutions to the long-term stadium issue.

We also both understand and respect the NFL’s relocation process, and we intend to adhere strictly to the relocation procedures that the League has set forth for Los Angeles.

In particular, we respect the right of the NFL’s owners to decide on all Los Angeles-related relocation issues and understand that any relocation application that is filed for Los Angeles must obtain the approval of three-fourths of the NFL’s owners.

Both teams have kept the NFL owners’ committee on Los Angeles, and the Commissioner, fully informed about our joint efforts.

We are pursuing this stadium option in Carson for one straightforward reason: If we cannot find a permanent solution in our home markets, we have no alternative but to preserve other options to guarantee the future economic viability of our franchises.

In short, for the remainder of 2015, we intend to move down two tracks simultaneously:

On track one, we will continue to work in our home markets to find permanent stadium solutions that are publicly acceptable.

On track two, we will work in Carson to preserve our options, and the future economic viability of our franchises, in the event that our efforts in our local markets fail.

Throughout this process we will respect the rules and procedures set forth by the League and defer completely to the ultimate decision of the NFL’s owners.

Ex-American Apparel Chief Rallies Workers To Organize At Secret Meeting

Dov Charney appealed to more than 300 current and former textile workers this past Saturday in a backyard meeting in South Central Los Angeles. The American Apparel founder was officially fired in December but refuses to walk away from the company he created in the late ’90s.

Jason Wells / Via BuzzFeed

LOS ANGELES — Standing among more than 300 current and former American Apparel textile workers, Dov Charney took the microphone and launched into an impassioned speech.

“Don’t ask what you can do for me. Don’t ask what you can do for yourselves. Ask what you can do for the company,” the ex-American Apparel chief executive said as the workers erupted into applause.

It was a scene that could have played out years ago on the floor of American Apparel’s downtown Los Angeles factory. But this past Saturday, the backdrop was the concrete backyard of a modest home in South Central L.A., just one day after the company’s new CEO sent a Spanish-language message to factory workers, warning them of “external forces trying to cause trouble and affect our business.”

Surrounded by current and former factory workers — many of them shareholders — Charney relayed his version of the events that led to his official ouster in December after the company’s board first moved to fire him last summer.

To keep the company from being sold, Charney said, he put his trust in a hedge fund named Standard General that effectively gained control of his stake in the business. But rather than represent his interests, the firm went against him, installing a board designed to carry out their will, he said.

As a translator relayed each new revelation to the crowd in Spanish, the workers gasped like they were watching a soap opera.

The people now in charge of American Apparel, Charney continued, don’t know how to manage the delicate balance between the factory and the stores. Products aren’t getting made, they don’t know what to produce, people are getting fired, and hours are being cut, he contended.

What’s more, they don’t have a connection to the history of the company, “and it’s dangerous,” Charney told the employees.

Now, it was time to hit back — the workers must organize, he said.

“It’s not about me, it’s not about you; it’s about us and the special connection we have,” he told the crowd.

After being asked about the worker gathering, an American Apparel spokesperson said the company “is and always has been a brand deeply rooted in social commentary.”

“As such, we support our employees’ right to free speech,” the spokesperson said in an email to BuzzFeed News. “And we remain committed to our core principles of providing fair wages to employees, and to sweatshop-free manufacturing right here in the city of Los Angeles.”

Jason Wells / Via BuzzFeed

The gathering was the latest twist in the long American Apparel saga that began last summer. Charney, who has been unable to regain managerial or financial control of the company he created since his ouster last June, is now appealing to American Apparel’s factory workers, who are central to the retailer’s sweatshop-free, “Made in the USA” ethos.

It’s a vulnerable, largely immigrant workforce that’s faced a slew of uncertainty since American Apparel’s management upheaval began this summer, as Standard General took control of the company and most of the executive ranks turned over. While American Apparel’s new Chief Executive Paula Schneider started in January, it’s still struggling to stabilize — just last month, Schneider had to address an internal pro-Charney email campaign waged by an anonymous current employee, and made headlines for firing two longtime creative directors who worked under the founder.

Schneider seems aware of the potential for unrest among the textile workers, sending an email in Spanish to staff on Friday, reassuring them that their jobs were safe, and warning of “external forces” intent on harming the company. The full memo, obtained by BuzzFeed News, is published below.

It’s unclear how organizing a workforce coalition will help Charney win back his place atop a company that currently won’t even allow him to set foot on the factory floor. But the former executive told his troops on Saturday that it would be in their interest to have him reinstated as the head of American Apparel. He promised better working conditions, a return to the free-spirited culture that made the brand successful, an emphasis on loyalty to the factory workers.

“It’s about where we’re going to go,” Charney said to applause on Saturday. “It’s about sticking together.”

The audience needed little convincing, surrounding Charney for photo ops like a rock star after his address, as representatives of Hermandad Mexicana, an immigration advocacy group, diligently set about taking down names and phone numbers. Later today, the group, which is calling itself the “Coalition of American Apparel Factory Workers United to Save American Apparel,” is expected to issue a statement about the meeting.

Maria Luisa Salgado, a spokeswoman for the group, said the company’s current management “is estranged from the cultural spirit that existed at American Apparel under the leadership of its founder, Dov Charney.” She complained of intimidation and interrogations of organizers by “large and gruff security guards,” calling it “a violation of the United States Constitution and the National Labor Relations Board Act.” In the statement, the group called for an end to “blind reduction” of production hours and the furloughing of workers.

A source inside the company said any cutback in hours is a seasonal adjustment, especially given the holiday quarter, typically the busiest for retailers, just ended.

Charney, who founded American Apparel in 1998, was served with a termination letter in June for a long list of reasons including breaching his fiduciary duty, violating company policy — including sexual harassment and anti-discrimination policies — and misusing corporate assets.

The ousted executive worked as a paid consultant for American Apparel during an internal investigation that began in July, but he was officially fired in December. Charney’s lawyers described the investigation as “a complete sham” and said the decision to terminate him was “completely groundless.” Since then, a group of employees operating under the moniker #TeamDov has started a website petitioning for his return.

American Apparel’s new executives are aware of the pro-Charney insurgency within the retailer. One employee has been sending mass emails to employees slamming new management and Standard General, leading Schneider to respond to the messages in a Feb. 19 memo, BuzzFeed News reported last week. The #TeamDov website, with hundreds of messages showing support for Charney, is publicly accessible.

“I encourage you not to be influenced by unfounded personal attacks or baseless threats about job security sent by outsiders who do not have the company’s best interests at heart,” Schneider said in last week’s memo.

Standard General, for its part, said in December that its goal is to “help American Apparel grow and succeed.”

“We supported the independent, third-party and very thorough investigation into the allegations against Mr. Charney, and respect the board of director’s decision to terminate him based on the results of that investigation,” a Standard General spokesperson said in an email at the time.

American Apparel’s shares have fallen 16% this year to 87 cents each; they fell 16% last year as well. The company hasn’t posted an annual profit since 2009.

American Apparel, similar to chains like Chipotle and SeaWorld, lists unionization as a risk factor in regulatory filings, noting that the formation of such a group could halt work, raise labor costs, and hurt the company’s relationship with its employees.

American Apparel has historically prided itself on paying more than the minimum wage to sewing staff and other manual laborers and offering them benefits like on-site health care and massages, subsidized lunches, and affordable health insurance. Its workers have never unionized, though Charney noted he’s not “anti-union” in a 2004 interview, adding that if American Apparel’s workers wanted a union “they would have one.”

American Apparel CEO Paula Schneider sent this email, in Spanish, to workers on Friday, a source told BuzzFeed News. The translation is below.

Obtained by BuzzFeed News / Via Source

Translation of above email from American Apparel CEO Paula Schneider:

Dear appreciated employees:

As you know, I started at the company at the beginning of the year. I am writing to you to promise you that our commitment to you is still the same.

You are incredibly important to us: American Apparel wouldn’t be a success without your hard work and dedication. This company is much more than clothes-making. We stand up for fair wages and the equal treatment of our employees and all human beings. We will never abandon these values.

I would like to talk about a few things that you have probably heard. Over the past five years, days or hours of work have been cut down, this is not news. The decrease in work that you have seen will balance our inventory, so that we can position ourselves to start the summer/fall season, in full force. Salaries and benefits are still the same. The company is stable. These facts are true now and in the foreseeable future.

I know you feel that Dov fought for you. He protected you, your work and family. I know it must be hard to see him leave, and I will always support your right of expression.

I highly respect what Dov has built here. Like you, I am thankful to him for having started this company. Many of you don’t know me yet, but I share the same passion for the company, and the same belief in employees’ rights. All we do is pursue the goal of making this company great so that we can continue employing the highest number of possible employees with the benefits you deserve.

Please, know that there are external forces trying to cause trouble and affect our business. I ask you please, do not misinterpret actions. I did not come to American Apparel to change its values or its culture. I took this job because I believe in the company’s spirit, the one it has had and will always have. This is just the beginning of our relationship, but I would like to ask you for your trust that together we will achieve impressive things. It’s an honor for me to be the leader of this great company, and above all, to work with all of you.

Yours sincerely,

Paula Schneider

Via Translated by Mariana Marcaletti/BuzzFeed News

With reporting assistance from Mariana Marcaletti.

‘EARTHQUAKE:’ Temblor wakes up Los Angeles

Twitter users in southern California let everyone know how they were roused this morning: EARTHQUAKE!

Looks like it was a 4.7:

Here's a shot of the @USGS page:
M4.7 – 9km NNW of Westwood, California
2014-03-17 13:25:36 UTC #earthquake #LA http://t.co/fYnCyrWICB— Kenny Holmes (@KHOLMESlive) March 17, 2014

We hope you all are safe, Angelenos!

What These Alligators Do Will Shock You. But Definitely Not In The Way You Would Expect. Weird.

The Los Angeles Alligator Farm was a pretty crazy place as seen from these old photos from the Los Angeles Public Library. Located next door to the Los Angeles Ostrich Farm in the Lincoln Heights neighborhood of Los Angeles, CA, it served as both an alligator farm and a major city tourist attraction from 1907 until 1953. It was eventually shut down in 1984 after the annual attendance dropped below 50,000. All the animals were relocated to a private estate in Florida.

The 1920s wasn’t a period of many safety regulations.

Even for kids.

Or dogs.

“I’ll take a glass of your finest milk, barkeep!”

Newborn baby alligators being counted, and boxed for some insane reason.

Nothing beats a nice relaxing massage.

She’s in her 100s now, but I bet this is her Facebook profile picture.

Looked like a pretty crazy place where people got a bit too up close and personal to the gators for my taste. Source: The Los Angeles Public Library Photo Collection Share these antique photos with your friends below.

American Apparel CEO Fights Back A Pro-Dov Charney Email Insurgency

The company’s new CEO, Paula Schneider, recently responded to a series of mass emails sent to employees by an anonymous insider. The emails were critical of American Apparel’s new management and the hedge fund backing the company.

American Apparel

American Apparel may have fired its founder Dov Charney last year, but new management is learning that he’s far from gone.

A group of Charney supporters within the company, who operate behind the name and hashtag #TeamDov, have been rallying support for the founder and slamming American Apparel’s new executives and investors through a digital campaign that management is struggling to quell. One employee has been sending pro-Charney mass emails to American Apparel employees through a variety of anonymous addresses during the past two months, causing enough ruckus that CEO Paula Schneider was forced to address the messages in a staff-wide memo on Feb. 19, BuzzFeed News has learned.

Internal memo from American Apparel’s CEO about problematic emails.

Obtained by BuzzFeed News / Via Source

“Over the last couple of months, we all have received ‘blast’ emails from an anonymous outsider criticizing American Apparel, its management and its policies,” Schneider, who started as CEO last month, wrote in a message obtained by BuzzFeed News. “Some of the emails have even been designed to appear like they are being sent from inside the company. I have refrained from responding to these emails because I feel they do not deserve our collective attention.”

She continued: “That said, I cannot let today’s email — which stooped to personally attacking hard-working members of the American Apparel team — go without a response. As a company, we embrace free speech and social commentary by our employees. That is a valued part of our culture. But today’s email provides an opportunity for me to reach out to all of you. I encourage you not to be influenced by unfounded personal attacks or baseless threats about job security sent by outsiders who do not have the company’s best interests at heart.”

The specific email Schneider is referring to accused Standard General, the hedge fund with the most financial control of the company, of “draining” American Apparel and forcing cutbacks at the retailer. The email included a link to a New York Post story about a lawsuit against Standard General, in which unsecured creditors of RadioShack are accusing the hedge fund of timing its investment in RadioShack to maximize a payout from the company’s recent bankruptcy, raising concern that American Apparel could suffer the same fate. The email noted that Colleen Brown, American Apparel’s newly appointed chairperson, was brought on to the board last year by Standard General (though it incorrectly identified her as CFO) and that new General Counsel Chelsea Grayson was Brown’s pick.

“We need Standard General OUT,” the employee wrote in the Feb. 19 email. “We have a bunch of consultants draining our company sitting in a room all day making 6 figures a month. THAT IS NOT AMERICAN APPAREL.”

One of the anonymous emails described the campaign as being about more than just Charney, saying it is also a response to American Apparel “being taken over by corporate Wall Street guys who don’t care about the company or the brand or the image or its employees.”

The emails reflect concern among employees that as American Apparel tries to right itself under new management, it could lose sight of its core values that were championed by Charney. The founder was a vocal advocate for treating workers generously, paying a fair wage, and making high-quality items in America.

A source inside the company told BuzzFeed News that management has spoken of their commitment to the company’s principles, and says it will continue to focus on remaining sweatshop-free, paying fair wages, and manufacturing in the USA.

While Schneider wrote that the emails came from an outsider, BuzzFeed News confirmed they originated from a current employee, who requested anonymity citing fear of retribution. The employee said they have roughly 5,000 americanapparel.net addresses and sent the messages in batches of 500; multiple employees have told the anonymous emailer that the messages have been deleted from their inboxes as American Apparel’s management works to stem the tide.

A spokesperson for American Apparel declined to comment.

The pro-Charney insurgency shows how tightly a founder’s personality can become entwined with a company. Emails prior to the Feb. 19 message centered around gaining signatures and statements for the Team Dov website, which says it’s “a statement of support for Dov Charney and his business vision at American Apparel from workers and executives at all levels of the company and around the world.” Hundreds have since signed the petition.

Charney, who founded American Apparel in 1998, was served with a termination letter in June for a long list of reasons including breaching his fiduciary duty, violating company policy, sexual harassment, and misusing corporate assets.

Charney was working as a paid consultant for American Apparel during an internal investigation that began in July, but was fired in December; the #TeamDov website was born almost immediately after. In a statement on Dec. 22, his lawyers described the investigation as “a complete sham” and said the decision to terminate him was “completely groundless.”

Charney pledged 43% of his stake in the company to Standard General this summer in a deal that apparently soured. He told Bloomberg News in late December that the hedge fund conspired with a board member to oust him after agreeing to reinstate him.

He told the news outlet: “I gave them my entire life’s work and they agreed to put me back in, but instead they used this investigation to fire me. They betrayed me.” Charney has not commented on the current round of anonymous emails and the response by management.

Standard General, for its part, said last December it “supported the independent, third-party and very thorough investigation into the allegations against Mr. Charney, and respect the board of director’s decision to terminate him based on the results of that investigation.”

A Team Dov email sent to employees on Feb. 19

Obtained by BuzzFeed / Via Source

Team Dov email sent to employees on Feb. 16

Obtained by BuzzFeed / Via Source

I Was Sure Freezing My Eggs Would Solve Everything

When I was 35 and single in New York City, I was convinced I’d be alone forever. Undergoing a costly procedure to buy myself time seemed like the right choice.

Illustration by Kelsey King for BuzzFeed

I couldn’t tell you the exact moment I started thinking about whether I was going to be able to have kids, but it occurred sometime between February 2012, when the guy I’d been sort of dating for the past few months broke up with me, and May 2012, when I turned 35, because that is the age after which, as a single woman in New York City, everyone knows that no one will ever love you.

I knew, very, very, very deep down, that this wasn’t actually true — that in fact people found love and even had children after the age of 35, even in New York City — but it felt like this knowledge was a tiny little nugget of rationality that had been wrapped in duct tape and put in a steel box and locked with a code and launched into space, and was therefore inaccessible.

Also, I had — have — never been pregnant, so there was a part of me that was convinced that something was deeply wrong with my ovaries; in 15 or so years of having sex, I’d only twice been worried enough about a broken condom or a failure to pull out to take Plan B. I told myself that if I weren’t infertile, there would have been at least one abortion in there, and secretly envied my friends who’d had abortions, because at least they knew that they could get pregnant.

Dating got weird. I didn’t really want to be dating in the first place — I was still thinking about the guy who’d dumped me in February, who I was still really sad about, to the extent that I cried during Savasana, and cried even harder when I realized I had become one of those women who cried at yoga. But the voice inside my head that told me, every morning and every night, that I was running out of time was the voice that put me on OkCupid and HowAboutWe, even though going on mediocre dates made me feel even worse. This was who was out there? And simultaneously: Could this be a person I want to create another human life with?

What I really needed was time. Time would allow me to meet people without the added pressure of trying to figure out, within five minutes of meeting them, whether we would make a nice, normal baby. Then I saw an article about egg freezing that said it was becoming SAFER AND MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN EVER BEFORE!!!!!!!! — or at least that was what I gleaned from it — and I thought, Time. This will give me time. I made an appointment.

You could say that I panicked, and you would not be completely wrong. But I got spoiled in my late twenties and early thirties because I usually had a boyfriend, which meant I always had a wedding date. But after I broke up with a Serious Boyfriend, aka the one I thought was maybe The One even though I outwardly scoffed at the notion that there was such a thing as The One — maybe One of Several Potential Ones? But enough of A Potential One that we moved in together, and our families met each other, and he told me about the monstrous 6-carat diamond he and his brother were supposed to split with their intendeds (I pictured a man in a yarmulke on 47th Street cutting it precisely in half with a laser) — I was suddenly, at 33, the Single Friend, because I was never dating anyone for long enough that they would be a potential wedding guest. But I had never been the only single person at a table of couples, or had to have the awkward conversation with the only single guy at the wedding, the guy who was surprisingly handsome and sweet but who turned out to be going through a nasty divorce, was a deeply religious Christian, had two children, and lived in Maine, and yet made me think, Well, this could work.

I distanced myself from my friends who got married, mostly because it felt like a reminder of my own personal failure. I was unapologetic about the selfishness of this stance, as I was about the selfishness of allowing myself in general to be selfish. I got off OkCupid and told my friends that even though I was 99% sure I would never have sex again, it also felt liberating to be alone, to never have to think about anyone else’s needs or fears. Then again, that also meant I was only ever listening to my own.

Illustration by Kelsey King for BuzzFeed

In my twenties, I felt like the shared experience of struggle comes with it the shared experience of possibility, and possibility is still exciting. Every choice doesn’t portend a monumental, potentially life-altering result; it seems like the Choose Your Own Adventure book still has many potential endings. In my thirties, though, choices started to feel overwhelming, each one pushing me farther down a specific path beyond which there was no turning back. I started to see the appeal of religion — never to have to make any decisions! There was, I realized, freedom in that too.

I told my therapist that I was considering freezing my eggs, and she said she thought it was a good idea if it would alleviate some of the anxiety I felt about dating, and I said it would but it would also cause me a different kind of anxiety because it was so expensive in New York City — thousands of dollars in tests, then thousands of dollars for the drugs to stimulate egg maturation, then thousands of dollars for the extraction of the eggs. All told I would be looking at close to $15,000 to buy myself a few years of reduced anxiety, plus $2,000 or so each year to keep them frozen. I told myself it could be amortized over, say, five years and then it didn’t seem so bad. Still, I needed to come up with the money, so I cashed in a couple of 401(k)s from short stints at other jobs that had a couple thousands dollars in them each, and put a freelance check in my savings account, and figured I would charge the rest.

I also had the idea that egg freezing was basically foolproof; I’d get the eggs, and a couple years later, when I decided I was ready to have kids, I’d just knock on the door of the ol’ fertility clinic and they’d stick some more needles in me and voilà, babies. It turns out, according to the fertility doctor I met with, who had the genial, slightly condescending “I know what’s best for you” air of a good salesman, that egg freezing has only a 40% success rate. He must have seen the disappointed look on my face because he assured me that that was in fact at least double what it would be out in the wild, and if I waited a few more years, my fertility would drop precipitously. He drew a crude representation of this on a sheet of paper as we talked, and I swore I could feel it dropping even more.

Still, 40% sounded better than 0% or even 20%, so I had him take blood and do an ultrasound, and it turned out that I had eggs, I was healthy, it would be fine. I had eggs to freeze.

It would be fine. I would be fine.

Still, there were moments of deep, and scary, loneliness. Sometimes I tried to tell myself that these moments were somehow making me a stronger person, but at other times I thought, Fuck being a stronger person — where is the joy in being a stronger person? When Hurricane Sandy happened, I sat on my couch in my apartment in Fort Greene, Brooklyn, and the wind and rain scared me less than the feeling that I was really alone, that I could have been one of those people on Staten Island who drowned in their houses whose bodies weren’t discovered for days.

After a couple days I made my way to Chelsea, where I usually volunteered once a week walking an old disabled woman’s dog, to see if she was OK because she wasn’t picking up her phone, and she was sitting in her apartment in the dark with the dog. Everything smelled bad, but she seemed to be in relatively good spirits, and I walked the dog and came back and gave her my flashlight, and then she asked me, in the voice of the truly lonely, when I was coming back.

I didn’t tell many people I was planning on freezing my eggs — it was a private thing, the world didn’t need to know. But I think what I really feared was the momentary flash of pity in their eyes before they told me what a good idea they thought it was. I saw that flash — or at least, I thought I saw it — in the eyes of the few close friends that I did tell, the ones who told me they admired what I was doing and empathized with how much it sucked that the biological clock was so real and how much it sucked that it was so expensive and how much it all, well, sucked.

I called the fertility clinic and told them I wanted to do it in February 2013— you had to sign up a couple months in advance, and I was going to L.A. for most of January for work — and they told me to come in for a final round of tests and an orientation session where a nurse would go over everything. At the session, I sat around a conference room table with four other women; we each had folders in front of us with various documents and brochures. Everything had to be executed perfectly: You had to pick up the drugs at one of only a few pharmacies in the city that stocked them, and they suggested buying only a batch at a time because they had to be kept in the fridge and they cost thousands of dollars and you didn’t want them to go bad. Then there was a whole timed, two-week regimen of injecting yourself with hormones — everyone had a different drug cocktail prescribed for them, scribbled on a sheet of paper by our respective doctors at the practice, tailored to our age and, presumably, how fertile the tests had shown we were — and a schedule of when we had to come back to the office for more tests during the two-week window. They had us practice filling up the special syringes for one of the drugs, and one woman raised her hand and said she was afraid of needles, and could she hire a nurse to come to her apartment twice a day to inject her? (Yes, but it would be very expensive.) You weren’t allowed to exercise during the two weeks, and you might get bloated and be in pain a lot of the time, and could also be quite weepy, though the nurse, a very no-nonsense type, probably didn’t actually use the word “weepy.”

Then when the hormones had stimulated all your eggs to mature and release and you were ovulating, you’d come back to the office and one of the doctors would extract your eggs and freeze them, and we had to make sure we had someone who could pick us up, and I mentally ran down the friends I could count on to do this and came up with a couple potential candidates, and then momentarily felt sorry for myself that I didn’t have a boyfriend or husband to do this and then reminded myself that it was exactly because I didn’t have a boyfriend or husband that I was doing this in the first place and that in some convoluted way this would be something that would help me get a boyfriend or husband, and felt a little better.

The nurse told us the eggs were held at the clinic, and she assured us that it was not susceptible to flood or power failure; it was an NYU clinic and the NYU hospital had, famously, flooded and lost power during the hurricane and the patients had to be evacuated and I thought, No one would care about a cooler of eggs during a hurricane, now would they? Before I left, I signed the form that said in the event I no longer wanted my eggs, or I stopped paying for their storage, that I wanted them destroyed.

Illustration by Kelsey King for BuzzFeed

I spent most of January 2013 in Los Angeles for work, and when I tell the story of why I decided to move, I like to say that the abundance of the Pasadena Whole Foods was what finally put me over the top, which always gets a knowing laugh, particularly from anyone who has tried to buy produce at the Key Foods on Avenue A or waited in line in the rain outside the 14th Street Trader Joe’s just to get inside or visited the Union Square Whole Foods bunker on a Sunday afternoon and wanted to die. And certainly it was a factor, but so was a coffee meeting I had in L.A. with a friend of a colleague who wanted, I think, a job, although we ended up discussing dating in Los Angeles versus New York.

Dating, he said, was very hard in Los Angeles.

“Oh?” I said.

“Yeah,” he said. “It’s much harder than it was in New York. I mean, I was a guy in media in New York. It wasn’t exactly tough for me.”

I looked at this unremarkable man, and thought, Right. I’m sure it wasn’t.

The rest happened fast. I got back to New York and my boss agreed that moving to L.A. was a good idea, and then I was pricing out movers and looking at apartments online and getting excited about not having to buy a new winter coat, like, ever again. In the flurry of getting ready to move across the country, I almost forgot that I was supposed to be getting ready to ensure that my future self would have a 40% chance of artificially conceiving a child.

And then at the last possible moment, the day or so before I got my period, I decided I wasn’t going to go through with it.

It’s the most apt metaphor to say that I realized I was putting all my eggs, literally, in that particular basket, and I had imbued the idea of freezing my eggs with so much meaning that I expected to see all of my anxieties and fears about getting older and being single and dying alone to disappear instantly the second I went through with it.

But I also felt like if I went through with it, the eggs would be left behind in New York, in cold storage, in some petri dish or vial or however they preserve them, and I would be across the country. It would mean no clean break, no fresh start. I’d be actually leaving a part of myself 3,000 miles away, as though to keep just the most microscopic connection to my old life, and I wouldn’t get the clean break with all of those anxieties that I needed.

Instead, I set off for Los Angeles, not completely sure I was doing the right thing but also pretty sure I wasn’t doing the wrong one. I even thought that maybe, one day, I might find that duct-taped box I’d sent hurtling through space, the one I thought was definitely gone forever.