(Slightly jiggly) belly laughs: Ace scripts patient reaction to Meggie’s cancer cure

http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362024441242324994

On Monday, Madame Meggie fantasized about how the media would portray her if she followed in the footsteps of groundbreaking scientists like Marie Curie. Because, like, that scenario is totes plausible. After all, McCain has been working toward discovering the cure for cancer since her gestation.

http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362024155501182978

Curie’s contributions to medical science were, of course, eclipsed by headlines about her muffin top and cankles. So if Meggie cured cancer (hahahaha — deep breath — hahahaha), she figures the real story would be her body.

http://twitter.com/#!/MeghanMcCain/status/361941513086836736

Paging Ace of Spades: We could use some (slightly jiggly) belly laughs from “Guy Who Could Stand a Go on the Treadmill.”

http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362039783683399680
http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362039848628011008

so the 3 headlines, in descending order, would be:

1 Cancer Cured

2 Apparently by Magic

3 By Guy Who Could Stand a Go on the Treadmill— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 30, 2013

I can see the headline now:

CANCER CURED

SAVIOR OF MILLIONS LACKS SIX-PACK ABS

See, this is why I don't even bother.— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 30, 2013

http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362041436612460544
http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362041872492920832

so, this is how medicine works, I guess:

DOCTOR: You're dying. But a genius female scientist just created a cure.

PATIENT: Is she chunky?— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 30, 2013

http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362042692030566404
http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362042990954426371
http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362043774878224386

at the Nobel Prize Cmtee:

CHAIR: What about her? She cured cancer.

MEMBER (looking at pic): ehnn… she really doesn't… "Do It" for me?— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 30, 2013

http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362045080359538688
http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362046445106376704

back to the doctor:

DR: You have no choice. You're dying.

PATIENT: Give it to me straight, doc– how a big a gal we talkin' about?— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 30, 2013

PAT.: What are my odds if I hold out?

DR: Hold out for what?

PAT.: A hotter cure.

DR: What's a "hotter cure"?

PAT.: LIke with "vavoom."— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 30, 2013

http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362049307928567808

PAT.: So tell me, doc. What are my chances?

DR.: Your chances? None. None are your chances.

PAT.: Hm… that's lower than I was hoping.— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 30, 2013

PAT.: What if I quit smoking?

DR: You don't smoke.

PAT.: I could start. Okay, let me ask this: Would my friends have to know?— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 30, 2013

http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362051687252369409

DR: I don't hit patients!

PAT: Rufies then. Doc, slip me a rufie.

DR: NO!

PAT: So we're playin' hardball, huh? I see your game now.— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 30, 2013

PAT: Tell me this: Can the cure get away with a bikini?

DR: No it can't. It's *liquid.* It comes in a beaker.

PAT: Like thin beaker, or..?— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 30, 2013

http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362054863980474369
http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362055154238894083

PAT: Okay let me ask this: Would *you* do the cure?

DR: If I were dying? Of course!

PAT: But only if you were dying, huh? Interesting.— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 30, 2013

PAT: OK doc, I'm convinced.

DR: Finally!

PAT: Let me drink a beer or 9 and let's get this Big Fat Sloppy Ol' Beaker ready for some curin'— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) July 30, 2013

http://twitter.com/#!/AceofSpadesHQ/status/362057580350148608

And we thank you for that, Ace.