Monthly Archives: December 2015

I Had No Idea This Was The World’s Scariest Job, But It Actually Makes Sense.

Take a minute. What’s the scariest job that you can possibly imagine yourself having? If you’re like a majority of Americans, the scary job you thought of was being a politician. Yep, that’s right, Americans are afraid of being politicians. This is according to a survey of 56,857 Americans conducted by the jobs website CareerBuilder.com.

If being a politician is at the top of people’s scary jobs lists, what other terrifying positions are in the top 10? I think you’re going to be surprised. 

10.) Parent.

There are more parental jobs in the United States than you can count. But being a parent makes people nervous for well…pick a reason. There are so many.

9.) Stand-Up Comedian.

40 percent of Americans are afraid of public speaking. So it only makes sense that those people would also be deathly afraid of performing in public whether it’s as a comedian or some other form of entertainment.

8.) Radio, Cellular, and Tower Equipment Technicians. 

Do you have a fear of heights? Well then this job is definitely not for you. I personally couldn’t imagine spending my days strapped to the top of a giant structure trying to install expensive, high tech equipment. 

7.) Mortician. 

I think it’s telling of the real fears of Americans that this job is so far down the list. Nevertheless it is a pretty creepy job to have, especially if you’re afraid of zombies. The morticians are always the first ones to go in zombie movies.

6.) Animal Trainer.

This one might depend a bit on which animals you’re trying to train. I think it’d be less terrifying to train puppies, than it would be to train sharks or tigers. Then again, maybe not much if you have allergies. 

5.) Crime Scene Investigator.

For this job most people say they’re afraid of the blood, and the disappointment of telling people that the job is nothing like it is on TV. 

4.) Kindergarten Teacher.

I totally understand this one. Have you ever seen a room full of kindergartens that wasn’t in, or near total chaos? These teachers are the bravest among us. Not to mention all those little kid germs. Yuck.

3.) Security Guard At Teen Pop Concerts.

People say that this job scares them because of the fear of being stampeded by hoards of screaming tweens. I also share this fear.

2.) Microbiologist.

One word explains why people are afraid of this job: Ebola.

1.) Politician.

Yes, being a politician is the scariest job to have in America. I suppose it’s not hard to see why. It’s the perfect storm of the fear of public speaking, rejection, and a huge level of accountability. Yeah thanks, but no thanks.

(H/T: Huffington Post)

To be honest, I expected more people to be afraid of being a stand-up comedian than a politician. I suppose we can at least thank our elected officials for taking on the jobs that no one really wants, right?

The 21 Distressing Stages Of Getting A Nail Salon Manicure

Why are you gonna ask me if I want round or square if you’re going to do your own damn thing anyway?!

1. First, you walk into the nail salon, probably without an appointment.

Lifetime / Via giphy.com

“A manicure, please?”
“You have an appointment?”
“Uhhhhhh…”

2. If you’re with your mom, you endure the ever-hilarious and totally over-done, “is this your sister?! You are both so pretty,” bit.

E! / Via giphy.com

Clearly this is my mother, but I’ll awkward laugh with you because you think that this skit is funny every time I come in.

3. You stand in front of the wall of colors as if you’ve never made a decision for yourself before now.

Morgan Creek Productions / Via giphy.com

“Magic 8 Ball, shall I pick this cheap Essie color to pick off my nails for the next week?”
“Hell to the no.”

4. You sit to wait your turn while clarifying and justifying the type of service you want several times.

World of Wonder / Via giphy.com

No, I really don’t want a spa pedicure, or long, plastic tips. Just the ol’ paint and dry today.

5. Finally you get to sit and are immediately bombarded with a number of uncomfortable questions.

MTV / Via giphy.com

“You have a boyfriend?”
“That’s the question of the year…”

6. Also, “Oh no, why did you bite your cuticles?”

Nickelodeon / Via giphy.com

Refer back to the anxiety that comes from your first question.

7. And, “Round or square?” Even though you know that the manicurist is going to do whatever the heck he or she pleases.

I want square but I am assuming that at least one of my nails will either be sharp enough to scratch someone’s eye out or so round that the other nails make it look ridiculous.

8. While your nails are being filed away, obviously in the opposite way you asked them to be, you get asked, “You need an eyebrow wax?”

But really it sounds more like you are being told that you need your eyebrows waxed and all you want is to be able to pull your hands away and touch the caterpillars on your face to see what’s going on up there.

9. You pay for your manicure right before the painting starts, and do the awkward how-much-do-I-tip calculation in your head.

Green Hat Films / Via imgur.com

Math.

10. You go out on a limb before the first coat of paint and try to show your manicurist a photo of what you want your nails to look like.

You know you are taking a risk that will probably end badly, but you live in a Pinterest cloud and have way too much trust.

11. Once your nails start getting painted you immediately think, “Is that what this color looks like out of the bottle?!” because you hate everything about it.

Shit shit shit shit, that looks so bad but I don’t want to make her start over.

12. Then after the second coat you realize that it’s actually nice and the anxiety attack subsides.

FOX / Via giphy.com

Phew.

13. As you get up to go dry you fumble with your things until your manicurist helps you out.

Marvelous Entertainment / Via giphy.com

Can I get a couple of dry-nailed hands over here?! Thanks, boo.

14. You sit and dry for what feels like forever and think about all of the life that is passing you by.

Paramount Pictures / Via imgur.com

List of things you could be doing:
– Eating a taco.
– Watching Netflix on your couch.
– Eating two tacos.

15. And while you’re focusing on not smudging your nails in the dryer you sit through your complimentary massage trying not to be the most awkward person in the room.

DreamWorks SKG / Via giphy.com

For some reason you’re always facing a mirrored wall so you can watch your own face as the massage progresses and it’s just not what you want or need.

16. You are finally ready to leave the salon, and play the can-I-get-my-keys-without-smudging-my-nails game on the way out.

DreamWorks Studios / Via gifrific.com

Long answer: if you’re careful you probably can do it.
Short answer: no.

17. You are showered with a million goodbyes from everyone in the salon.

Walt Disney Pictures / Via giphy.com

Like a damn princess.

18. You get all the way home only to realize that one of your nails is already smudged.

HOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW?!

19. Now, not only are your nails not dry at all, you also have to pee.

Emmy C / Via emmyc.tumblr.com

Cue all things awkward.

20. You accept that the manicure is imperfect, because honestly, from far away it looks okay.

The CW / Via giphy.com

It’s better than what you would have done at home at least.

21. Until you wake up the next morning and it looks like a squirrel was gnawing at your polish all night.

NBC / Via giphy.com

Chips? Check plus.

‘Bullsh*t pulpit’: Chuck Todd swoons over Barack Obama’s latest tantrum

Chuck T.’s in love, you guys. While we “real people” saw right through this afternoon’s post-Senate-vote presser, Todd was utterly captivated by President Obama’s manly tactic of blaming the GOP for his problems:

Aw, snap! That GOP done got served from Obama’s bully pulpit. Chuck’s all over that action.

Pffft. He covered the most important thing, didn’t he? All we need to know is that Obama’s a man who gets things done and doesn’t take no lip from nobody. Nobody!

Yeesh. The truth may be ugly, but it’s still the truth. Chuck Todd is a hack.

We wouldn’t bet on it.

Because that’s exactly what it was. Maybe next time Chuck gets the urge to try his hand at real reporting, he’ll use more accurate terminology:

Exactly.

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Related:

Twitchy coverage of Chuck Todd

Left begins ‘Romneyfication’ of rich, anti-science Sen. Marco Rubio

It’s easy to tell how seriously the Left takes the threat of a Marco Rubio presidential candidacy in 2016. Never mind what he said in his response to the president’s state of the union address, and forget what he said about his own life. His opponents would like you to know that he’s practically Mitt Romney.

“I didn’t inherit any money from [parents]. But I inherited something far better – the real opportunity to accomplish my dreams.” – Rubio

— AG (@AG_Conservative) February 13, 2013

Rubio taking on Obama’s class warfare and destroying it with his own middle-class story. LOVE it.

— Jedediah Bila (@JedediahBila) February 13, 2013

Class warfare? What class warfare? You didn’t know that Rubio is an out-of-touch rich dude? Get this: according to Buzzfeed, he’s been seen working out at the swanky Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables, Fla. Swanky.

Marco Rubio lives in the same middle class neighborhood? Do all his neighbors spend their free time at the swanky Biltmore hotel?

— Brad Woodhouse (@woodhouseb) February 13, 2013

Rubio plays up his “everyman” cred in response, but goes to the Biltmore. Hmm. #SOTU

— Troy Appel (@tdappel) February 12, 2013

Rubio wants to protect his neighbors- you know the rich people he hangs out with at the Biltmore in Miami.

— Patrick Rodenbush (@PNRod) February 13, 2013

Rubio: “My neighbors aren’t millionaires.” Except when I’m hanging around the Biltmore #SOTU

— David Mariutto (@DavidMariutto) February 13, 2013

Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I’ve got, I’m still Rubio from the Biltmore

— evale72 (@evale72) February 13, 2013

I did not know Coral Gables in Miami was working class especially within a mile of the Biltmore Hotel where Sen Rubio lives

— John G. Law (@JlawNole) February 13, 2013

Oh you’re regular folk Rubio? Working out at the fancy Biltmore? buzzfeed.com/mckaycoppins/t…

— Jessica Andrews(@jessjandrews) February 13, 2013

Apparently in Marco Rubio’s working class neighborhood houses sell for $675,000: huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/30/mar…

— Matt Yglesias (@mattyglesias) February 13, 2013

Rubio’s house is selling for 675k what middle class neighborhood does he live in?

— David Bunting (@buntingd) February 13, 2013

Now that we know Rubio’s claim of being middle class is obviously a sham, can we talk about his rejection of science? The president, you see, believes in the “overwhelming judgment of science.” You don’t need more proof than that, do you?

“Or we can choose to believe in the overwhelming judgment of science – and act before it’s too late.” #sotu

— David Corn (@DavidCornDC) February 13, 2013

I love how much Obama is a pro-science geek. One of my favorite things about him. #sotu

— Amanda Marcotte (@AmandaMarcotte) February 13, 2013

“We can believe Sandy, most severe drought in decades, worst wildfires freak coincidence..or believe overwhelming judgment of science” #SOTU

— Michael E. Mann (@MichaelEMann) February 13, 2013

Science denying reps, you’ve been served. Yes! #SOTU

— Elayne Boosler (@ElayneBoosler) February 13, 2013

Do you believe in climate change now Mr. Rubio?

— Joanne Peters (@JoanneOFA) February 13, 2013

Wow, what a shameless liar this Rubio guy is – Obama created more debt than Bush? Well, if you don’t believe in science, why not math too?

— Bill Maher (@billmaher) February 13, 2013

Science is a lie, women don’t have rights, and more poverty is good for people. Got it. Thanks, Rubio.

— Amanda Marcotte (@AmandaMarcotte) February 13, 2013

Sen. Rubio has questioned the causes of climate change. j.mp/XwO33T #SOTU

— The Democrats (@TheDemocrats) February 13, 2013

Rubio? He doesn’t even know the government could control the weather if only more Democrats were elected.

Rubio: “Our government can’t control the weather.” Obama’s minions cry: “HERESY!!!”

— toddstarnes (@toddstarnes) February 13, 2013

…Did Marco Rubio just accuse Obama of trying to build a weather machine?

— Molly Redden (@mtredden) February 13, 2013

No, he’s not building a weather-controlling machine. He just wants to use the one Bush used to create Hurricane Katrina, duh.

Let’s see if some other rich, anti-science conservatives were snowed by Rubio’s act.

Republican response by Sen. Rubio superb. He is a real contender for 2016.

— Steve Forbes (@SteveForbesCEO) February 13, 2013

Great selection for a speaker in Rubio. Genuine.

— Dana Loesch (@DLoesch) February 13, 2013

Rubio is offering REAL solutions to our VERY REAL problems. This guy is great. #SOTU #Rubio #GOP

— Madeleine McAulay (@m_mcaulay) February 13, 2013

Marco Rubio for president? Love this guy. If you don’t know him, you should. Great response.

— Nicholas Britt (@nicholas_britt3) February 13, 2013

‘I’ve gone badass’: William Shatner shows off biker look [pic]

We’ve seen William Shatner in a lot of different looks over the years, but as we can recall never like this:

Though Shatner looks as though he might be doing a cameo in “Sons of Anarchy,” it was apparently part of an ad he was shooting for Priceline:

‘Global warming. Drink!’ Syfy’s ‘Sharknado’ causes outbreak of sloshed viewers

Yesterday Twitchy asked, “Will Al Gore blame Sharknados on global warming?” That remains to be seen, but Syfy’s “Sharknado” took care of it for the Goracle.

Of course it is! But is the entertainment industry slipping?

16 minutes? Do you know how many polar bears are killed by global warming every 16 minutes? Time’s a wastin’!


http://twitter.com/#!/ChrisOleksiak/status/355563655871463424

There may be some hangovers in the conservative Twitterverse this morning:

Hey, there’s always “Frankenfish.”

Related:

Full Twitchy coverage of “Sharknado”

Backlash against NYC marathon intensifies

As Twitchy reported last night, citizens are taking to Twitter en masse to protest the running of the New York City marathon this weekend in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. The race begins in hurricane-ravaged Staten Island.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg faces a PR debacle as citizens wake up this morning to a report in the New York Post that marathon organizers are deploying massive generators to power a media tent even as hundreds of thousands of Big Apple residents still do not have power. The Post reports that the three diesel-powered generators “crank out 800 kilowatts — enough to power 400 homes in ravaged areas like Staten Island, the Rockaways and downtown Manhattan.”

The generators are privately-funded and privately-owned, according to a marathon spokesman quoted by the Post:

The New York Road Runners Club, which organizes the world-famous race, is paying for the generators, which were supplied by Long Island-based On Site Energy for the massive, 80-yard-long tent, which also will be used by runners carbo-loading during a pre-race pasta dinner tomorrow … “These are our private generators. We are not draining any resources from the city’s plan to recover,” Road Runners spokesman Richard Finn angrily insisted.

Of the thousands of comments posted on Twitter this morning — “NYC marathon” is a trending topic in the U.S. — we did not see a single person defending the Road Runners Club’s use of those generators:

Unreal RT“@newyorkpost: Generators power up NYC Marathon tents while NYers suffer in cold, darknyp.st/SDjnwv#NYCM

— J.T. Morris (@4jtmorris) November 2, 2012

This is messed up. RT @dorothyfriedman: The generators set up for the marathon could power 400, yes 400 homes! bit.ly/Tq2d0G

— doug (@DougP1) November 2, 2012

using massive generators to keep the NYC marathon running is horseshit. While NYers are suffering w/o power. I’m in VA and am ashamed

— The Captain (@parcsalooc) November 2, 2012

If I ever run a marathon, it will NEVER be the #NYCMARATHON. Throwing generators in the face of those without power is disgusting. #INGNYCM

— Nicole Introvert (@nicoleintrovert) November 2, 2012

Media tent gets generators for NYC marathon, but not the people of Staten Island nypost.com/p/news/local/t…

— Peter Dmitrienko (@curiouser_georg) November 2, 2012

An absolute disgrace RT @powerpammy: RT @newyorkpost: Generators power up NYC Marathon tents while NYers suffer … m.tmi.me/yLksZ

— Maureen Van Zandt (@MVZaGoGo) November 2, 2012

This. Is. INSANE. RT @newyorkpost: Generators power up NYC Marathon tents while NYers suffer in cold, darknyp.st/SDjnwv

— starfishncoffee (@starfishncoffee) November 2, 2012

Wow…just saw @samchampion mention generators sitting unplugged waiting to power up the NYC Marathon tent. That’s just wrong…

— Kim Brown (@kimincuse) November 2, 2012

Folks in Staten Island dont have power, but the NYC Marathon is using generators? C’mon folks.

— Charlene Carruthers (@CharleneCac) November 2, 2012

Generators power up New York City Marathon tent as rest of city struggles nyp.st/QYkEf6 – completely shameful. #Sandy #NYC

— Stefanie R (@chickwithhooks) November 2, 2012

What drives you nuts?NYC preparing for a marathon and using tents & generators to power the area when temps are in the 20’s at night!!!

— T.J. Conwell (@RevConwell) November 2, 2012

We suspect that many private companies and non-profit organizations in New York have been using generators in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. In a sense, then, it seems unfair to single out the Road Runners Club for criticism. Maybe all the anger about generators is really just peoples’ way of saying it is inappropriate to proceed with the marathon when first responders are still discovering bodies a few miles from the starting line.

EBT card failures cause ‘complete chaos’ at Walmart stores

EBT cards in many states aren’t working today, and as you might expect, some Walmart shoppers aren’t very happy.


http://twitter.com/#!/_KaylaJeann/status/389107887445778433

Then again, every cloud has its silver lining:

Welcome to the Obama economy.

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Update: This photo really is heartbreaking, for any number of reasons.

Are You Addicted To Makeup?

It’s OK — we’re all here for you.

    1. Um, sex?
    2. Omg I waited for the new palette for MONTHS.

    1. Again, sex.
    2. A subtle peachy-pink that works on most complexions, even if it’s a little too sparkly for some peoples’ taste.

    1. I don’t know what that means but this quiz seems to be in a really sexual frame of mind so let’s go with that.
    2. If it weren’t so pricey, I’d bathe in the stuff.

    1. Marv Films

    1. Shutterstock

    2. Tal Peleg / Via instagram.com

    1. $20 – $40
    2. $41 – $100
    3. Who the hell wants to know? I work hard and if I want to spend my money on looking FANTASTIC, that is my right and privilege.
    4. What even is that.

    1. Shutterstock

    2. Shutterstock

    1. Radu Bercan / Shutterstock

    2. Shutterstock

Are You Addicted To Makeup?

  1. You got: You’re addicted to makeup.

    When you walk into a drugstore or beauty department, the salespeople ask *you* for advice. You’re totally unafraid to experiment with new looks (even though you’re fiercely devoted to your tried-and-true arsenal). Wear your obsession loud and proud!

    Shutterstock
  2. You got: You are not addicted to makeup.

    You’ve got other stuff going on! For you, life’s too short to spend hunched over a hand mirror or forking over your life savings for some brushes. And that is totally cool.

    Shutterstock